The Perfect Sketch: Amy Schumer's Football Town Nights

Modern comedy is great because it is proud and unafraid and populated with empowered women writing weird, hilarious shit about weird, hilarious women. Football Town Nights is one such gem from the genius box of Amy Schumer, and I'd contend that it is in fact the perfect sketch; That the reason you watch this sketch and immediately want to fuck and marry it is not just because it's somehow about rape and somehow still funny (rape being right up there on the Axis of Comedy Suicide alongside Racism and 9/11) but because it calls out the truth -- the awful absurdity of rape culture-- in just seven words from a befuddled teenaged football player: "No raping? But Coach, we play football." 

The sketch goes on:

"What if it's Halloween and she's dressed like a sexy ghost?"

"How about a Sexy owl?"

"What if she thinks it's rape but I don't?"

"What if my Mom's the DA and I know she won't prosecute?"

"What if the girl said yes to me the other day but about something else?" 

"No!" exclaims Coach, over and over and over and over in absolute disbelief. "No raping!"

The sketch then closes with this absolutely genius speech about winning and male bravado that I wish I had written because it's pitch-perfect satire: "How do I get through to you boys that football isn’t about rape? It’s about violently dominating anyone that stands between you and what you want. You gotta get yourself into the mindset that you are gods — that you are entitled to this!"

Brilliant. Fantastic. Aren't you glad I ruined the whole damn thing for you? Now go watch. Never has male entitlement been more obviously hilarious. Watch and behold, young writers, for this is a rare specimen: the perfect sketch.

Thank you, Amy Schumer. You're doing the Lord's work.