Fuck This Court and All It Stands For: The Single Greatest Legal Brief Of All Time

Tamah Jade Clark has problems. Way back in 2009, her husband Jason Clark was convicted of a multitude of crimes and sentenced to thirty years in prison. So Tamah, equipped with the impressive unearned confidence of a room full of drunk Kanye Wests, did the only thing possible - she cocked her AK 47 and grabbed her .52 caliber and all of her wilderness survival gear (did I mention this is Florida? That Tamah is from Florida? Is it all making so much more sense to you now?) and went to bust her husband out of prison. She was subsequently arrested and charged with conspiracy to escape another and conspiracy to commit reckless abandonment and conspiracy to be a stupid idiot, and a multitude of other crimes.

Which is when Tamah, armed with the blind and unhinged self-assurance of a thousand Donald Trumps running for President, wrote the legal brief (below) that will go down in history as the single greatest legal document ever written by man.

(Many props to internet/legal enthusiast Sarah Jeong who uncovered this random gem.)

Let me present you with some highlights:

NOTICE: FUCK THIS COURT AND ALL IT STANDS FOR.

Moving on to legal arguments:

More things you should know: Tamah is a "Floridian American" from the Sovereign Idiot's Nation State of Florida:

"I AM Justice, Motherfucker." - Samuel L. Jackson:

But don't worry, y'all. Tamah takes all of this as a compliment. Tamah is not deterred by legal arguments. Legal arguments do not apply to Tamah. Tamah is The Great Mariska Hargitay of Justice who will BACKHAND YOUR ASS into the middle of next week:

"Time for a history lesson, Motherfuckers." - Samuel L. Jackson:

 

And by the way, you can burn for this shit for all I care:

And finally, in closing, DIE. NOW. THANKS:

Tamah DROPS MIC.

Please click here to view the entire thing (which is totally, 100% worth your time I promise) or click here to read the judge's order that sparked The Greatest Legal Document Since The Declaration of Independence.  And in fact I believe it was Thomas Jefferson himself who once wrote, in the original draft of that glorious legal declaration, that "all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of GO FUCK YOURSELF."

Thomas Jefferson and Tamah Clark: true American heroes.