Full Disclosure Cubed: I was betrothed to Han Solo in the early 90s. True story. I offered to marry Han right around the time of the Star Wars re-release because I figured if anything happened to Princess Leia it made the most sense for me to step in and pick up the pieces. After all, 1) - I'm a fast-learner who could teach herself The Force, no problem, 2) - my Hebrew Name is Leia (technically Leah, technically Johova-Leah, technically shut your mouth it's close enough) also 3 - Han and I spent three movies together and thus had a passionate understanding.
So I went ahead and set a date. My best friend Nickie was to be my maid of honor. The ceremony would have happened in the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon and then of course we'd have hosted the reception on the Moon of Endor because those bitches know how to throw a party, amirite? Chewie would have officiated and Princess Leia would have hated me first but eventually she'd have come around--especially after it was revealed that she and Luke were actually triplets and I was the missing sibling. Everything was set!
But then a tall, dark, hot meal by the name of Special Agent Fox Mulder waltzed into my life and I had to break Han Solo's poor little fictional heart. It was sad, but just too much work trying to juggle two great fictional lovers.
So no, I did not end up marrying Han Solo. Or Fox Mulder for that matter. Apparently you cannot wed fictional characters? Fine. So I married a real person, which is also great in its own way I'm sure, whatever. Still. To this day I sometimes wonder what might have been between us. But it's good to know he's moved on with his life and is back piloting the Millenium Falcon because I am totally over him except the opposite of what I just said OMG Han Solo I don't care if you're seventy-five I still love you let's have babies, okay cool.
Also I am a totally normal grown-ass woman.
Also you need to watch this trailer. Like ten times. Okay? GO!
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