Happy Birthday Dancing Hitler!

Ladies and gentlemen, really there is only one thing going on in the news this morning, and that is the birthday of everyone's favorite singing and dancing fuehrer, the man who put the hot in "hot dog" and the "fancy" in "fancy feet", Mr. Adolph "The Singing Sally" Hitler:

Happy Birthday, Mr. German Triple Threat!

Here are some more fun facts about this day,  April 20th, which has no other significance at all besides Hilter's birthday:

April 20th is also my dear, sweet grandmother's birthday. Coincidence? (Yes, probably.) Which means today I celebrate the birthdays of both my Jewish grandmother and the first and only Nazi to ever win a Tony award for tap dancing with food. (which is all Hitler did during World War II, yes? My comprehensive Florida Education was often edited for "unpleasantness.")

Today also marks the launch of McDonald's exciting new marketing experiment-- all day breakfast-- which, again, is tied only to Hitler, meant solely to commemorate Hitler's near-extermination of the hash brown and literally for no other reason, swear to God, don't arrest me please.

Even in cities like Denver, revelers turned out by the hundreds this morning to eat, drink and celebrate the birthday of Hitler and not for any other reason I swear on my grandmother's life (my grandmother's dead) but seriously no other reason, I swear under oath, nothing else is happening here officer so just give me a second, let me just put down this entire chocolate cake and turn down this classic Bob Dylan so I can escort you out, because like I said officer, THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE HERE, NOTHING AT ALL, PLEASE MOVE ON, IT'S HITLER'S BIRTHDAY AND MY GRANDMOTHER'S DEAD AND CANNOT EAT THIS CAKE, SHOW SOME RESPECT.

So. Like I was saying, today is a big day. There is a lot to celebrate today that literally includes only Hitler and my grandmother, so please celebrate responsibly.