Ikea's Apocalypse Kitchen of the Future!

According to Ikea, purveyor of disturbingly delicious Swedish meatballs and the haphazard furniture in my living room, our future is going to be bleak as shit. (Also, filled with Ikea furniture -- AKA bleak as shit.) Sorry, y'allz. I guess the good news here is the future will only be this bleak for the unfortunates who can't afford to shop anyplace better than Ikea. The bad news is that will be literally everyone except for these two assholes.

Multipurpose sink/trash compactor/herb garden/shoe-store/church/bathroom/water park

According to Ikea, the kitchen of the future will be conveniently matchbox-sized and maximized for purposes beyond eating - activities such as studying, recycling, exercising-- and inevitably sleeping, going to the bathroom and storing all one's personal belongings (because who needs more than twelve cubic feet of space and anyway, isn't it all about location?), which means Ikea's Kitchen of the Future is basically just a shitty NYC studio apartment. (Again, just for poors though. Who will probably be most of us, sorry.)

But take heart - your End of Days Kitchen can also be cool, chic and modern, like when it doubles as the command center from The Edge of Tomorrow:

Ikea Prototype

 The Edge of Tomorrow

You'll never miss running water again, not after you've discovered the convenience of projecting yourself four feet above your kitchen table, dictating incorrectly the directions on the back of a space-pouch of Uncle Ben's. Convenience! Future times!

Also, as an added bonus, Ikea's Kitchen of the Future is 'drought-ready,' which means it is more prepared for the next ten years than California.

This will work great until water runs out.

So get on it, people. You only have a few more precious years to purchase Ikea's Apocalypse End of Days Kitchen of the Future before we all perish beneath the sea.